we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
