so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
