By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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