Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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