So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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