she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
