he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
