Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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