Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Soap is not a condiment
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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