why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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