some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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