she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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