I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Enjoy the penises
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
