I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
