Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
