I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
