what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
