Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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