I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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