I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
