By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
