You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
