Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
