is your mom at the bar?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
