she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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