Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
