fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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