Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
