I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
