you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
