You can't motorboat a personality
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
