Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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