so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
