I am spending my child support on dildos
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
