he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
