If you die in college, do you die in real life?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
