I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
