I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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