3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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