Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
