if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
