you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
