I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
