i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
