I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
