it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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