I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
