Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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