Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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