If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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